There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Ankesh has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Ankesh.
Ankesh counted to infinity - twice.
When Ankesh does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Ankesh doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Ankesh gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Ankesh can slam a revolving door.
There are no races, only countries of people Ankesh has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Ankesh's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
Ankesh can divide by zero.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Ankesh turnaround kick.
When taking the GRE, write "Ankesh" for every answer. You will score over 1600.
Ankesh has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Ankesh grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Ankesh"
Ankesh can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Ankesh doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
It takes Ankesh 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Ankesh kicked one of the corners off.
Ankesh once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
James Cameron wanted Ankesh to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Thousands of years ago Ankesh came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decedents now have white hair.
Ankesh does not sleep. He waits.
Ankesh once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Ankesh does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Ankesh goes killing.
Ankesh' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Ankesh is an excellent chef... He serves only one dish i.e. REVENGE; that also cold...
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Ankesh.
Ankesh puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Ankesh can speak braille.
Ankesh was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Ankesh sleeps with a night light. Not because Ankesh is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Ankesh
If Ankesh is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Ankesh thought up some of the funniest Ankesh facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the blog because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.
If you can see Ankesh, he can see you. If you can't see Ankesh you may be only seconds away from death.
Ankesh frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
The chief export of Ankesh is pain.
Ankesh sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Ankesh is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Ankesh doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Ankesh's fist.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Ankesh can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
Superman owns a pair of Ankesh pyjamas.
If you try to introduce your mother to Ankesh, she'll introduce you to your biological father.
Ankesh, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Ankesh, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."
When Ankesh sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Ankesh has not had to pay taxes ever.
Ankesh died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. Ankesh once survived a suicide bombing. He was the bomber.
Ankesh does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Ankesh can divide by zero.
Ankesh is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis. Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Ankesh enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Ankesh says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad...Ankesh doesn't believe in magic.
Ankesh once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered, "Who is Ankesh?" to every question. It was the first and only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every single question right.
At birth, Ankesh came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Ankesh but Ankesh
Ankesh once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Ankesh.
Ankesh counted to infinity - twice.
When Ankesh does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Ankesh doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Ankesh gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Ankesh can slam a revolving door.
There are no races, only countries of people Ankesh has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Ankesh's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
Ankesh can divide by zero.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Ankesh turnaround kick.
When taking the GRE, write "Ankesh" for every answer. You will score over 1600.
Ankesh has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Ankesh grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Ankesh"
Ankesh can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Ankesh doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
It takes Ankesh 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Ankesh kicked one of the corners off.
Ankesh once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
James Cameron wanted Ankesh to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Thousands of years ago Ankesh came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decedents now have white hair.
Ankesh does not sleep. He waits.
Ankesh once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Ankesh does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Ankesh goes killing.
Ankesh' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Ankesh is an excellent chef... He serves only one dish i.e. REVENGE; that also cold...
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Ankesh.
Ankesh puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Ankesh can speak braille.
Ankesh was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Ankesh sleeps with a night light. Not because Ankesh is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Ankesh
If Ankesh is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Ankesh thought up some of the funniest Ankesh facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the blog because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.
If you can see Ankesh, he can see you. If you can't see Ankesh you may be only seconds away from death.
Ankesh frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
The chief export of Ankesh is pain.
Ankesh sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Ankesh is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Ankesh doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Ankesh's fist.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Ankesh can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
Superman owns a pair of Ankesh pyjamas.
If you try to introduce your mother to Ankesh, she'll introduce you to your biological father.
Ankesh, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Ankesh, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."
When Ankesh sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Ankesh has not had to pay taxes ever.
Ankesh died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. Ankesh once survived a suicide bombing. He was the bomber.
Ankesh does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Ankesh can divide by zero.
Ankesh is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis. Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Ankesh enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Ankesh says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad...Ankesh doesn't believe in magic.
Ankesh once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered, "Who is Ankesh?" to every question. It was the first and only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every single question right.
At birth, Ankesh came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Ankesh but Ankesh
Ankesh once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
