Stupid Warning Labels

1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)
2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (Evidently, the shoplifter special)
3. On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how...?)
4. On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." (But it's *just* a suggestion)
5. On a tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down." (Oops, too late!)
6. On bread pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows the day....)
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save even more time?)
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication" (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope)
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
12. On peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts." (NEWS FLASH)
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.)
14. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)
15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?... Good grief)
16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on food." ("Hey Mom we're out of syrup! " - " It's OK, honey! Just grab the Palmolive! ")
17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: "If swallowed contact poison control." (Oh please have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a little toothpaste?)
18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine." ("Hey, no more swimming in the washing machine, kids!" - "Aww, you mean we have to use the swimming pool? ")