the length is Short... Very Short

Below is a mixed bag collection of some short stories;

Let me correct myself; very short stories.

• “I want to be an engineer,” the topper says excitedly during the interview. The dancing shoes in his drawer know that he is lying…
• Heated argument. No replies; yet the ticks turn blue. A sob escapes; Doorbell sings a tune. A giggle hugs back.
• “Be what you want to be,” he had been taught. Ignoring the rude rook, the boisterous bishop and the narcissistic knight, the pawn took one step at a time and became the Queen
• She wore saree for the first time. He tripped.
• “He likes his milk cold, not hot.” “And he wont sleep without a lullaby” ”And…” Still a mother at heart, she hoped God was listening.
• “Just make sure you do not fall in love with a girl from another caste,” his conservative family repeatedly warned him. He finally fell in love with a man from the same caste.
• The red paan stains all over the temple walls did not bother anyone. The red stains on her skirt did
• She stepped out with her black eyeliner, blue mascara, red lipstick, peach concealer, pink blush & beige foundation is place. “Don’t you dare put any colors on my face,” she said sternly to the children who wanted to play Holi
• “Don’t worry, he is a nice man and shall be a good husband, unlike your earlier husband who left you pregnant & ran away,” Said the daughter to her worried mother who agreed to marry the second time.
• Fired from the job, the man returned home tensed & broken. He felt on the top of the world when he heard his daughter speak ‘papa’ for the first time.
• “Dad let me carry it for you,” he said taking the heavy bag from his father’s hand. The old hands felt relived, but the heart felt heavier, as his son walked him through the gates of old-age home.
• He was an evil man who lied, cheated & robbed at every step. He compensated for this by skipping meat on Tuesdays.
• He saw her sad & alone, so he walked upto her. She stared at him reluctant to share her sorrows with a complete stranger, but he persisted. An hour later, the dog finally adopted the human.
• “Promise me, you will never lie to me!” “Promise” said the husband hiding her medical reports in his bag.
• “Dare you shout at my daughter again,” said the mother angrily to the son in law. Unknown from the fact that her daughter had slapped him twice before he reacted.
• “My boss vented someone else’s anger & frustration on me for a small mistake; he insulted me, taunted me & never said sorry. Who does this kind of behavior?” complained the irritated husband to his wife. Consoling him the wife said in her mind, “You!!!”
• “You may now kiss the bride!” said the priest. He looked up, paused a little & asked, “By the way, who is the bride?”

When was the last time???

Isn’t it funny that when someone asks us, What’s new? We have a standard reply. Nothing.

That means every new day of our lives we do same things, but if we look back we suddenly realized a lot is changed. Even though we thought we did nothing new, but looking back some months, years we can see a vast change.

Yesterday, while browsing through my timeline I realized things I used to do as daily routine are no longer in my today’s list.

I asked myself, when was the last time…?

When was the last time I blogged daily?

When was the last time I read an actual book?

When was the last time I called up my friends just to say HI?

When was the last time I hugged my mom & slept with my head in her lap?

When was the last time I played with the wrinkles in my granny’s hand?

When was the last time my wife & I just looked at each other for a long time with a smile?

When was the last time I helped someone whom I shall never meet or would never have any contact?

When was the last time I planted a tree?

When was the last time I played cricket with my friends in the streets?

When was the last time I sang a song from my mouth instead of humming it in my head?

When was the last time I partied till I drop?

When was the last time I played with a dog?

When was the last time I cried all my emotions & frustrations out?

When was the last time I sorted a grudge with a friend who was once closest to me?

When was the last time I walked in the rain holding hands?
When was the last time I made a baby laugh?
When was the last time I made a sand castle?
When was the last time I made clay models?
When was the last time I drank like a fish?
When was the last time I had no inhibitions to say or do things?
When was the last time I saw people actually loving each other & not shouting it on FB?
When was the last time I laughed my heart out?

When was the last time I was happy?

and the OSCAR goes to....

On 28^th Feb, 2016 Julianne Moore announced, “And the Oscar goes to… LEONARDO DI CAPRIO!!!”

Millions of fans across the world celebrated the moment as if it was theirs. I too was no exception…

I mean, I adore this actor, he has been a wonderful actor, has delivered stellar performances, nominated 6 times over last 22 years and finally today is the day he got his due.

On the top of all this, his Oscar acceptance speech swept away all the hearts.

“Thank you all so very much. Thank you to the Academy. Thank you to all of you in this room. I have to congratulate the other incredible nominees this year. The Revenant was the product of the tireless efforts of an unbelievable cast and crew. First off, to my brother in this endeavor, Mr. Tom Hardy. Tom, your talent on screen can only be surpassed by your friendship off screen … thank you for creating a transcendent cinematic experience. Thank you to everybody at Fox and New Regency … my entire team. I have to thank everyone from the very onset of my career … To my parents; none of this would be possible without you. And to my friends, I love you dearly; you know who you are.

And lastly, I just want to say this: Making The Revenant was about man's relationship to the natural world. A world that we collectively felt in 2015 as the hottest year in recorded history. Our production needed to move to the southern tip of this planet just to be able to find snow. Climate change is real, it is happening right now. It is the most urgent threat facing our entire species, and we need to work collectively together and stop procrastinating. We need to support leaders around the world who do not speak for the big polluters, but who speak for all of humanity, for the indigenous people of the world, for the billions and billions of underprivileged people out there who would be most affected by this. For our children’s children, and for those people out there whose voices have been drowned out by the politics of greed. I thank you all for this amazing award tonight. Let us not take this planet for granted. I do not take tonight for granted. Thank you so very much.”

  

Now let’s step back & view this whole moment of 180 seconds bit by bit. Let’s understand what made this so special.

I see 2 key points:

1.       Leo finally won an award: 

       We all share the feeling of ‘we deserved, but its reserved for someone else’. May it be appraisal, approval, acclaim, etc. Leo was nominated 6 times and finally received it. It was like a moment where everyone who have always tried & delivered but never received their due; finally receiving it at that moment. 

2.       What would he say & how did Leo play: 

       Pick any Oscar Onstage Speech Transcript; it has a set pattern. If we pick up the keywords, frequency of keywords & references, they should be more or less like:

       Thank you, God, team, family, deserve, lucky, imagined, waited this moment, mention of the cause (in case), happy and the most important word ‘I’.

       When Leo headed towards stage I can bet people expected things like tears, speechlessness, a funny anecdote plus the above. And why should they not? Afterall, we all imagined ourselves as the one who is getting is due after a long time & the day I get the moment I shall pour out all the feelings stuffed inside me since ages.

       However, Leo delivered a complete opposite of it.

        If we notice the flow in the speech it starts with thanking everyone, appreciates the feeling of brotherhood, friendship, family & professional alliances. Then he directly plunges to a key cause, talks about the issue, the repercussions & how crucial it is to act soon and in the last statement a little bit about his feeling of not taking things for granted.

       

        WOW! What did just hit me? This guy did not say anything about how much he has waited for this moment & how much this award mean did to him. He broke all the rules of a standard acceptance speech, he did not say things people were actually expecting to hear and yet, why was our reaction WOW!

        

        My take is:

-          Leo received an Oscar because of the movie, which was about relationship between Man & nature. He was not there for TWOWS or any other movie. He connected the core of the movie with his speech.

-          He broke the rule of winning an Oscar & making it all about how lucky he was. Instead he used this platform to put a cause which can connect with the movie & present scenario.

-          There was no drama, no tears, just respect that he gained from the audience before the speech which said it all for him.

-          He showed the human side in the plastic world. He displayed his concerns outside the screen which made it more personal & directly from the heart.

In this bargain his Speech is one of the most viewed videos over the internet & also one of the most trended topic.

WAIT..... STOP.... SEE AROUND..... IMAGINE.... SMILE...THINK....

Some time back was reading this wonderful article on THE HINDU about a very misunderstood word "NOTHING"
As luck followed got the below image from some random source...

both together made me think & wonder
Here it goes:

We have no time to stand and stare.What is this life if, full of care,

These lines from William Henry Davies’ poem, Leisure, point out the fast life which we all lead.

                  A regular day starts with us paying respect to our iPhones, and acknowledging notifications on Facebook from our thousand virtual friends. Post that hurried breakfast, there is a flurry of e-mails to take care of, traffic jams, incessant phone calls, power lunch, commitments and seemingly endless to-do lists which don’t leave us even a second to breathe. Pause.

                 Now picture this. When was the last time you indulged in a long siesta without the pangs of guilt overcoming you? Have you walked in the park lately (minus gadgetry) taking in the greenery and watched the kids swing? Isn’t it a million years ago that you lingered with your coffee by your window in peace? Have you of late experienced happiness in doing nothing?

                Most of our answers would be an outright ‘No’. We haven’t. Instead we all want to read the newspaper while eating, connect on the phone while driving, and text or play I-pad games while spending time with our loved ones. The advancement of technology is making us find cleverer ways to multitask. As a society, our minds have been conditioned from childhood to constantly accomplish something every day and always be on the move. The success of our day is measured by what we achieve and not by what made us happy.

               Amidst the information-overload-filled life that I was leading, I recently came across this beautiful Italian phrase, ‘Dolce Far Niente’ which simply means The sweetness of doing nothing. Now please don’t confuse ‘doing nothing’ with laziness and take a moment to reflect why it is a way of life for the sensible Italians. The expression simply means slowing down, without hurling your mind in multiple directions, taking in the surroundings and just being. There is no rule book which says there has to be a purpose for every action of ours. In a society which respects us only if our appointment diaries are full, the thought of doing nothing, even briefly, seemed alien to me. We are invisible prisoners of our own thoughts. Idleness isn’t the demon which we make it out to be. Pleasant idleness minus the worry is a luxury we must all practise. Always having the desire to be on the move doesn’t allow us to be happy where we are and wants us to be somewhere else all the time.

              The Italians even have a new movement called ‘Italian Yoga’, founded by Peter Catizone, which is the fine art of, ‘sitting at the corner café with espresso, cannoli and good friends’. This yoga without exercise involves telling stories, jokes, lounging and doing anything to distract one from the idea of work. A Chennai-based Italian, Marco Massano, shares this view, “Dolce Far Niente is a way to laze around, enjoying the pleasures of Nature and idleness.”

Wait!!! wat did i c just now???

Download the below GIF image on your device. They are nothing but simple smiling faces of celebrities.
Follow the instruction on the image & njoy wat your eyes kind of show u...:P

Thats called 'In the face' but smartly & tactfully...:)

Back in January, news spread that Britain was considering running an anti-immigration campaign in Romania and Bulgaria tagged, “You Won’t Like It Here”.
People all over Europe were nonplussed by the lack of tact shown by The Brits.
But Gândul, a daily Romanian newspaper, saw an opportunity where others saw only red.

They launched a cheeky response campaign tagged, “We May Not Like Britain, But You’ll Love Romania.”

They placed the ads on Facebook, and even bought some outdoor media in Britain.
The campaign just won a Gold Award at AdStars, one of Asia’s biggest advertising awards festivals.
Well-deserved. Look for the campaign to clean up next Summer at Cannes. :)
Ad agency: GMP Advertising, Romania.

Who's pocket is it anyways!!!

We all at a point of time have read through Kotler the classification / categories of consumers based on their response to a particular offering in the market:
Innovators
Early Adopters
Early Majority
Late Majority
Laggards

Nah! m not starting a class or giving a revision session on them.
I am pondering over a thought who so ever they are, whenever or whichever category they fall; what is the status or stage or mood they are in when they PAY for the product / service across the counter.

Does the person who is paying the money actually matters??? Well my MBA taught me the best answer, 'DEPENDS' :)

Anyways, lets understand the stage & moods they fall in when they across the counter.
Like Edward De Bono had 6 Thinking Hats, I would create '4 Paying Hoods' & '5 Paying Moods'!!!

He / She is a:

Consumer: I use the product & i pay for it.

Customer: I may or may not use the product & I pay for it.

Decision Maker: I may or may not use the product; but i decide which one should be brought & I pay for it

Decision Influencer: My opinion can change the items in the shopping cart; i have certain beliefs, assumptions, preferences, likes, dislikes & I pay for it

He / She is:

Provider: I dont use this, but someone close to me requires it; hence i pay

Follower: Everyone is using, even i or my someone should try it once, i have heard / seen / read a lot on this; hence i pay

Unclear / Option giver: i donno which is the best one for me / others, this looks good, that is cheap, that one the person before us just took; the ingredients here are better, but this one should appeal to a particular taste; i mite buy many or mite buy the one which i feel cud b good, i evalute; give options; i mite be right or wrong; i can give logic to the purchase; hence i pay

Passive: I am indifferent to the product, i am suppose to follow the list, i m ok to be a medium & seen along with the product / service; hence i pay

Forced: I seriously dont think this product / service is necessary, as per me this is waste; better options are available; still i pay.

Now picture this situation, u are in a market place to sell your product; whom are you targeting? who is priority among all of these, do we think about the one who is paying over the counter & cushioning you bottom line???

should i, should i not...............??? Wat if i...

At some point in life it has hppnd with all of us!!! :P 

Moke pe choka....

If life is throwing lemons at someone, this is how you choose the best one for you!!!! :)

Brilliant work

Following the controversy on IPL / Sreeshant / Match fixing; an amazing take by QUICKR... 

Why this Kolaveri D???

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

Why there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop 'Windows'?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

Why people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why your Obstetrician or Gynaecologist leaves the room when you get undressed - if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why Goofy stands erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport "a terminal" if flying is supposedly so safe?

Who the first first person was to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who the first person was that said, "See that chicken there, I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum?"

Why the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, but can't he fix a hole in a boat?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

What do you call male ballerinas?

If blind people can see their dreams? Do they dream??

That if Wile E. Coyote from the Road Runner had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why the "Alphabet Song" and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" have the same tune?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?

Why it is when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

How come we put a man on the moon before realising it would be a good idea to put wheels on suitcases?

Why brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells are forever?

How important someone has to be before they can be 'assassinated' rather than just plain 'murdered'?

How come "phonetically" is spelt with a "ph"?

Why a round pizza gets delivered in a square box?

Why people pay to go up in tall buildings, and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

When you get to heaven / paradise / nirvana, are you stuck wearing whatever you were buried or cremated in forever?

Why people say they "slept like a baby", when babies normally wake up every two hours?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

What would the speed of lightning be if it didn't zigzag?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but has to check when you say the paint is wet?

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Whose idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Why don't women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

Aap kya hai???

Damn funny... :P

Agar aap soch rahe ho petrol waapis sasta hone wala hai toh UPA sarkar ki nazaar mein @AapChutiyeHain

Agar aap mobile phn pe kisi ko samjhane ke liye hand gestures ka use karte hai.. To Graham Bell bhi kabar mei se chillaega k @AapChutiyeHain

Agar aap Obama ko linkedin pe add karke usko Pak-sponsored terrorism in India khatm karne ko kehte hain, toh MEA ki tarah #aapbhichutiyehain

Agar aap sochte hain ki biwi ka birthday bhul ke sorry bolke app Bach jaenge to apke suhag ki kasam @AapChutiyeHain

Agar aapko lagta hai ke facebook pe "Save the tiger" page ko like karne se tiger save ho jayenge, toh #aapchutiyehain

Agar aap seriously sochte hain, ke is agle sutte ke baad aap cigarette ko chhuenge bhi nahi, toh kasam marlboro man ki #aapchutiyehain

Agar aap board exams me kam number aane se yeh sochte hain ke aapki zindagi failure hai, toh aapki aageki 80% life kahegi ke #aapchutiyehain

Agar aap 1 msg 10 logo ko forward karke bhagwan se 10wishes puri hone k hopes rakhte hai, toh @ChodafoneIN bhi kahega k @AapChutiyeHain

Agar aap kisibhi aire gaire ko society/culture ke naam pe apni zindagi dictate karne dete hain, to ek din apko ehsas hoga ke #aapchutiyehain

Agar aap jeb me hazaar rupaye ka note rakhte hain, aur isi bahane se sabse paise udhaar maangte hain, to acc to RBI governor #aapchutiyehain

Agar aap happy hours ke time pe apni bechi beer pe 20% VAT ke upar 15% service charge lagate hain, to sabko pata hai ke #aapchutiyehain

Agar aapko lagta hai ke exam se pehle ke aakhiri ek ghante me padhayi karke aap university me top karenge, to dean ke anusar #aapchutiyehain

Agar aapko zindagi ke facts pehli baar google dwara pata chale, toh aisa noob friends circle rakhne ke kaaran #aapchutiyehain

Agar aap bechare CAT aspirants ke email ids coaching walo se chura ke unko chutiye Bschools ke prospectus spam karte hain to #aapchutiyehain

Agar aap apne aap ko entrepreneur bataate hain jo ek killer idea ka wait kar raha hai, toh entrepreneur nahi, #aapchutiyehain

Aagar apko lagta hai ki Zebra crossing Ramp hai,aur app zebra crossing peh Cat walk karte hai to @AapChutiyeHain

Agar aapko lagta hai ki @taran_adarsh ke movie reviews me 1 paise ki bhi sense hai, to #AapChutiyeHain

Agar aapko lagta hai ke sirf ek DSLR kharidne se aap bade photographer ban jaaoge toh Canon bhi bolega @AapChutiyeHain

Agar aap zindagi mein har cheez ko karne ke liye kisi aur cheez ka intezar karte reh jate hain to Amul cheese ki kasam @AapChutiyeHain

agar aap unknown bandon ko add karke unko bday pe wall pe wish karte hai toh @AapChutiyeHain

Yadi aap office mein loudspeaker on karke bat kate hain to Phone bhi apse kahega ke aap AapChutiyeHain..

Agar aap samajthe hain ki Vaseline men's cream lagaane se Shahid ke bhai ko film me role milgayi toh @AapChutiyeHain

Aagar apko lagta hai ki aise posts sirf chutiye padhte hai to @AapChutiyeHain

who's line is it, anyways???

Napoleon said:
"The world suffers a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people,
But because of the silence of good people!"


Michael Paul said:
I wrote on the door of heart, "Please do not enter it"
Love came smiling and said: "Sorry I am an illiterate".


Einstein said:
"I am thankful to all those who said NO to me
Its Because of them I did it myself.."


Abraham Lincoln said:
"If friendship is your weakest point then you are the strongest person in the world"


Shakespeare said:
"Laughing Faces Do Not Mean That There Is Absence Of Sorrow!
But It Means That They Have The Ability To Deal With It".


Shakespeare said:
"In The Times Of Crisis I Was Not Hurted By The Harsh Words Of My Enemies, But By The Silence Of My Friends".


William Arthur said:
"Opportunities Are Like Sunrises ,If You Wait Too Long You Can Miss Them".


Shakespeare said:
"Never Play With The Feelings Of Others Because You May Win The Game But The Risk Is That You Will Surely Loose The Person For Life Time".


Hitler said:
"When You Are In The Light, Everything Follows You,
But When You Enter Into The Dark ,Even Your Own Shadow Doesn’t Follow You."


Shakespeare said:
"Coin Always Makes Sound But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent.
So When Your Value Increases Keep Yourself Calm Silent"


Hitler said:
"If you Win, You need not Explain,
But If you Lose, You shouldn’t be there to Explain."


Shiv Khera said:
"If We Are Not Part Of The Solutions, We Are The Big Problems"
Winners Never Do The Different Things, They Do The Things Differently".


John Keats said:
"It Is Very Easy To Defeat Someone, But It Is Very Hard To Win Someone"

some kool stuff.... diff approach..:P

Purple gun 'BAIN GUNN'!!!

When growing up in Gujarat, i was enlightened by the fact that "BAINGAN" has a folk tale for itself, due to which it is the least preferred vegetable. It goes this way........

There was a king who was bored with normal cuisine that he had, asked for something new, hence a special cook was appointed for a day or two for the king

On the first day, the cook surveyed the whole kitchen n found all vegetables other than brinjal, so he decided to ask for it. As that vegetable was not consumed by the king, the market of the kingdom did not sell it too & neither any farmers produced the same. So he ordered some from his home town. Eventually after all the hoo haa, the cook was able to make a good curry out of it.

Now the fun starts, when he served the curry to the king, he told,"For u my king, i present the king of vegetables, Baingan raja" (sounds better in gujarati!!! :p). The king saw the curry with a skeptical look, but anyways tried it. As the taste buds felt the taste of the spicy baingan curry for the first time, he was over whelmed; he was sooo happy that he removed his jewels & gave it as a present to the cook. His courtesans, being the most well breed chaplus, praised the baingan too. They wrote sher, poetry, admired the colour, etc. etc.

News spread like wild fire, Baingan became the royal vegetable that was only grown in palaces or selected farms. Slowly the black market for it started, it was sold at a premium, accepted as bribes so on & so forth.

Now to please the king all the members of court, the villagers & farmers everybody gave something related to Baingan to the king. For some 3 months on everyday basis the king used to in some or the other manner had to encounter the vegetable king. Eventually he got booooooored of it.

Once day when he was served baingan dish as everyday, he looked & said, "i hate this vegetable & never for me shall anyone prepare this dish!!!" Thats it, that was the day, when brinjal lost its royalty. Its told that all of a sudden the courtesans started telling how disgraceful it looks, tastes, there was a comment which said the reason its called Baingan its because its 'bina gunn' (no good quality). The news again spread in the country, with the same fate for the vegetable king.

Hence since then, this poor vegetable is the least preferred, least liked or is hardly used during any celebration, festival or normal cuisine. For a matter of fact, every vegetable that we eat has some or the other state producing it in abundance, whereas for Baingan, which is an India n vege, there are no takers............:P

Anyways, there was this funny article appeared in TOI some days back.

I simply loved the way the writer of this article drew a parallel between Baingan & an unnoticed Indian. enjoy

They have got it all wrong. I mean those who tried to sow seeds of discontent between me and my putative Bt, sorry, bete noire. They don’t know how grateful i am to it. But for it, i would still be a nobody, an extra, so to say, in the galaxy of greens. If today i compete with the likes of Shah Rukh Khan and Sachin Tendulkar for countrywide popularity, it is entirely owing to my genetically altered ego.

Just look at it. Despite my stellar qualities, i was just the ‘Ghar ki murgi daal barabar’. They did not take a cue from the hit Bollywood number, ‘Dekhi lakh lakh pardesi girl/ Sab toh soni saadi desi girl/ Who’s the hottest girl in the world?/ My desi girl/ My desi girl.’ They recognised my worth only after the foreigners did so.

For a quintessential Indian could anything be more painful? I can’t understand why i was treated with such indifference by my own countrymen. I am on their plates whether you go east or west, north or south of India. But when it came to getting credit there was always the aaloo or the foul-smelling pyaaj ahead of me.

Imagine how sidelined i felt when an out and out desi politician tried to make aaloo– a fellow with decided foreign origins – immortal by saying, “Jab tak rahega samose mein aaloo/ tab tak rahega Bihar mein Lalu.” Talking of samosas it beats me why they never stuff me into them or into curvy parathas but instead pack me into pathetically shaped pakoras.

You have desi phrases honouring even as knotty a thing as ginger. Thus you say, ‘Bandar kya jaane adrak ka swad?’ But if i had ever asked a man of letters to coin a complimentary phrase around me, i am sure he would have said, “Tum kis khet ki mooli ho?” All they can do to me is to poke fun through cliched Akbar-Birbal tales.

When the westerners realised that their children disliked spinach, they gave it an iconic status by making it the power-munch of Popeye. But not one Indian cartoonist thought of making me the chosen chomp of an Indian superman so that children here could take to me without throwing tantrums.

Even my great looks were overlooked. Nature has endowed me with the softest of skins, the brightest of colours and curviest of contours. And yet no Indian painter has done my portrait, not even M F Husain when i would have gladly allowed myself to be painted in the nude. I cared little when the westerners launched computers called apple and cellphones called blackberry. But when an Indian manufacturer chooses lemon over me as the brand name for its cellphone, it hurts.

However hard the times for housewives, i have never acted pricey. Among all vegetables, i alone seem to defy the laws of demand and supply. I remain the shining symbol of the quintessential Indian trait called resilience. But rather than appreciating it they call anyone who is wary of taking a firm stand a ‘Thali ka baingan’.

Forget about making me an election issue as they made that arrogant tuber – the onion – in the not too recent past, i wasn’t even picked up as the symbol of any political party, national or regional. You have an entire bazaar of Mumbai named after that slimy thing – the bhindi– but not even an alley of Bareilly is named after me.

Perhaps i should not think like this. So what if i arrived late? Haven’t i arrived with my desiness intact? But now that i have become a celebrity, i can’t wait for campaign managers to sign me up for promoting the products of their clients. And the first thing i am going to endorse would be potato chips. Imagine that imported abomination – the aaloo – needing my endorsement. It would be an event no less momentous than an Indian buying the East India Company.

GK @ its best

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:?'Patrick Henry, 1775'he said.
'Very good!
Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?''
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'F ___ the Indians,'

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?' Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.'

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!'
And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was Lehmann Brothers, November 4th, 2008'.....
:)

The worst & the best of Dec 2009

There are 2 ways to break the clutter: One, create a kick ass strategy & amazingly creative concept like zoozoo, or the second way to create something sooooo pathetic, irrelevant, stupid that people remember it as the worst ad ever seen. The above ad falls into the latter category.

I mean wat can me more stupid than seeing a brand like Nirma which made a milestone of a jingle coming up with a mockery of it... OK, i agree that the effects were good in the ad, but at the cost of mocking the soul out of the brand???

I read the review of the ad in afaqs today... Gosh!!! cant believe that people actually appreciating the work??? The TG of the brand is a working housewife who goes for something that has genuine claimability & value for money. I salute the vision & performance of the brand, but this ad surely makes it a laughing stock & a desperate brand trying to prove an already proven point. I mean we seriously miss the Deepika ad (Sita fame).

My first advt Mentor told me, "Advt is not about how creative your ad is!!! its about how beautifully it can connect & deliver the message in the best way possible. The magical ingredient here is the INSIGHT."

Hats off to the cretive heads behind this idea. A simple concept of TATA Sky having an active feature, in which one of the feature is Learn English. The TG is middle class family husband working, wife doing part time jobs, the kid studying in English medium as its an aspirational value for the parents.

Wat u do with it??? a mother who has not studied in English medium, feels low when her kid & his friends' parents speak flawless english. She gets hooked on to this & look the amazing confidence she has!!! This ad has a very feel good factor & a beautiful insight to connect with. Brilliantly superb...

r u a VIRGIN???

Gimme some sunshine, gimme some rain!!! gimme another chance, wanna grow up once again!!!

there is this famous song of 3 idiots.
was thinkin wat if its told in a funny manner by maharastrian, gujrati & bihari
did not know other languages or else wud hv put tht.
Anyways, pls feel free to add.
Njoy

Baburao:
Ye baba, mala thoda uun dhyaa, ani thoda paus,
jasti paus nako re baba, mazza flat ground floor madhe aahe,
ani maaje fakt ek chance payje, fakt ek extra,
te nantar me mast mota honar....hehehe

Ramnik Bhai:
have jo hu tamne final quote aapun,
to mane thodu tadko aapo,
jo sawar no tadko hoy to saaru, karanke bappor nu hoy to maru maathu dukkhe
ane thodi varsaad, vadhare nahite pachi ena upar ek chance, bas
biju kai pan nai, su che ne ke mane fari thi motu thavu che,
arrey chokkas guarantee bapu, koi complain nahi made

Gajodhar:
yaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwnnnnnnn
ab ka bataye bhaiya, naya phormula hai shaaaaa(yawn)aayad
ekto thoda dhup, u pe thoda baaris, aur phir bas ek aur chance.
ka dekh rahe ho??? are serious hai bhaiyaa, hume wapas se bada hona hai
ka soch rahe ho? atpata lag raha hai tumka?
arrey humme bhi laga tha, aisan laga ki koi ped hai ka???hahhahaha
par sach kahen; hamare saale ke phuphaji ke damad ne ye todka kiya
ab dekh(yawn)oooooooo kahan pahunch gaye.
Sab maya hai!!!

Uff !!! Ye andaaz e bayan; haal e dil ek employee ka

The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don't know if I should stay.

To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don't know if I should stay.

The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don't know if I should stay.

The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don't know if I should stay!

The managers don't know what they talk
The team doesn't know where they walk
That's a bad situation, what say?
I don't know if I should stay.

I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can't keep switching day by day
I don't know if I should stay.

The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It's all done, I won't stay.

Thanks & Regards,
Confused Employee

Interpretation goes on...

Swine flu coverage on media led to media hype, which in turn led to a dip in tourism

Tiger poaching is increasing for their bones, as its used to cure male impotency

Food crops were used to create bio-fuels, as fuel prices rose, leading to famine like conditions around the world

Outdoor Sports are completely sidelined by video games, which has made youngsters obese