Aap kya hai???

Damn funny... :P

Agar aap soch rahe ho petrol waapis sasta hone wala hai toh UPA sarkar ki nazaar mein @AapChutiyeHain

Agar aap mobile phn pe kisi ko samjhane ke liye hand gestures ka use karte hai.. To Graham Bell bhi kabar mei se chillaega k @AapChutiyeHain

Agar aap Obama ko linkedin pe add karke usko Pak-sponsored terrorism in India khatm karne ko kehte hain, toh MEA ki tarah #aapbhichutiyehain

Agar aap sochte hain ki biwi ka birthday bhul ke sorry bolke app Bach jaenge to apke suhag ki kasam @AapChutiyeHain

Agar aapko lagta hai ke facebook pe "Save the tiger" page ko like karne se tiger save ho jayenge, toh #aapchutiyehain

Agar aap seriously sochte hain, ke is agle sutte ke baad aap cigarette ko chhuenge bhi nahi, toh kasam marlboro man ki #aapchutiyehain

Agar aap board exams me kam number aane se yeh sochte hain ke aapki zindagi failure hai, toh aapki aageki 80% life kahegi ke #aapchutiyehain

Agar aap 1 msg 10 logo ko forward karke bhagwan se 10wishes puri hone k hopes rakhte hai, toh @ChodafoneIN bhi kahega k @AapChutiyeHain

Agar aap kisibhi aire gaire ko society/culture ke naam pe apni zindagi dictate karne dete hain, to ek din apko ehsas hoga ke #aapchutiyehain

Agar aap jeb me hazaar rupaye ka note rakhte hain, aur isi bahane se sabse paise udhaar maangte hain, to acc to RBI governor #aapchutiyehain

Agar aap happy hours ke time pe apni bechi beer pe 20% VAT ke upar 15% service charge lagate hain, to sabko pata hai ke #aapchutiyehain

Agar aapko lagta hai ke exam se pehle ke aakhiri ek ghante me padhayi karke aap university me top karenge, to dean ke anusar #aapchutiyehain

Agar aapko zindagi ke facts pehli baar google dwara pata chale, toh aisa noob friends circle rakhne ke kaaran #aapchutiyehain

Agar aap bechare CAT aspirants ke email ids coaching walo se chura ke unko chutiye Bschools ke prospectus spam karte hain to #aapchutiyehain

Agar aap apne aap ko entrepreneur bataate hain jo ek killer idea ka wait kar raha hai, toh entrepreneur nahi, #aapchutiyehain

Aagar apko lagta hai ki Zebra crossing Ramp hai,aur app zebra crossing peh Cat walk karte hai to @AapChutiyeHain

Agar aapko lagta hai ki @taran_adarsh ke movie reviews me 1 paise ki bhi sense hai, to #AapChutiyeHain

Agar aapko lagta hai ke sirf ek DSLR kharidne se aap bade photographer ban jaaoge toh Canon bhi bolega @AapChutiyeHain

Agar aap zindagi mein har cheez ko karne ke liye kisi aur cheez ka intezar karte reh jate hain to Amul cheese ki kasam @AapChutiyeHain

agar aap unknown bandon ko add karke unko bday pe wall pe wish karte hai toh @AapChutiyeHain

Yadi aap office mein loudspeaker on karke bat kate hain to Phone bhi apse kahega ke aap AapChutiyeHain..

Agar aap samajthe hain ki Vaseline men's cream lagaane se Shahid ke bhai ko film me role milgayi toh @AapChutiyeHain

Aagar apko lagta hai ki aise posts sirf chutiye padhte hai to @AapChutiyeHain

who's line is it, anyways???

Napoleon said:
"The world suffers a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people,
But because of the silence of good people!"


Michael Paul said:
I wrote on the door of heart, "Please do not enter it"
Love came smiling and said: "Sorry I am an illiterate".


Einstein said:
"I am thankful to all those who said NO to me
Its Because of them I did it myself.."


Abraham Lincoln said:
"If friendship is your weakest point then you are the strongest person in the world"


Shakespeare said:
"Laughing Faces Do Not Mean That There Is Absence Of Sorrow!
But It Means That They Have The Ability To Deal With It".


Shakespeare said:
"In The Times Of Crisis I Was Not Hurted By The Harsh Words Of My Enemies, But By The Silence Of My Friends".


William Arthur said:
"Opportunities Are Like Sunrises ,If You Wait Too Long You Can Miss Them".


Shakespeare said:
"Never Play With The Feelings Of Others Because You May Win The Game But The Risk Is That You Will Surely Loose The Person For Life Time".


Hitler said:
"When You Are In The Light, Everything Follows You,
But When You Enter Into The Dark ,Even Your Own Shadow Doesn’t Follow You."


Shakespeare said:
"Coin Always Makes Sound But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent.
So When Your Value Increases Keep Yourself Calm Silent"


Hitler said:
"If you Win, You need not Explain,
But If you Lose, You shouldn’t be there to Explain."


Shiv Khera said:
"If We Are Not Part Of The Solutions, We Are The Big Problems"
Winners Never Do The Different Things, They Do The Things Differently".


John Keats said:
"It Is Very Easy To Defeat Someone, But It Is Very Hard To Win Someone"

some kool stuff.... diff approach..:P

Purple gun 'BAIN GUNN'!!!

When growing up in Gujarat, i was enlightened by the fact that "BAINGAN" has a folk tale for itself, due to which it is the least preferred vegetable. It goes this way........

There was a king who was bored with normal cuisine that he had, asked for something new, hence a special cook was appointed for a day or two for the king

On the first day, the cook surveyed the whole kitchen n found all vegetables other than brinjal, so he decided to ask for it. As that vegetable was not consumed by the king, the market of the kingdom did not sell it too & neither any farmers produced the same. So he ordered some from his home town. Eventually after all the hoo haa, the cook was able to make a good curry out of it.

Now the fun starts, when he served the curry to the king, he told,"For u my king, i present the king of vegetables, Baingan raja" (sounds better in gujarati!!! :p). The king saw the curry with a skeptical look, but anyways tried it. As the taste buds felt the taste of the spicy baingan curry for the first time, he was over whelmed; he was sooo happy that he removed his jewels & gave it as a present to the cook. His courtesans, being the most well breed chaplus, praised the baingan too. They wrote sher, poetry, admired the colour, etc. etc.

News spread like wild fire, Baingan became the royal vegetable that was only grown in palaces or selected farms. Slowly the black market for it started, it was sold at a premium, accepted as bribes so on & so forth.

Now to please the king all the members of court, the villagers & farmers everybody gave something related to Baingan to the king. For some 3 months on everyday basis the king used to in some or the other manner had to encounter the vegetable king. Eventually he got booooooored of it.

Once day when he was served baingan dish as everyday, he looked & said, "i hate this vegetable & never for me shall anyone prepare this dish!!!" Thats it, that was the day, when brinjal lost its royalty. Its told that all of a sudden the courtesans started telling how disgraceful it looks, tastes, there was a comment which said the reason its called Baingan its because its 'bina gunn' (no good quality). The news again spread in the country, with the same fate for the vegetable king.

Hence since then, this poor vegetable is the least preferred, least liked or is hardly used during any celebration, festival or normal cuisine. For a matter of fact, every vegetable that we eat has some or the other state producing it in abundance, whereas for Baingan, which is an India n vege, there are no takers............:P

Anyways, there was this funny article appeared in TOI some days back.

I simply loved the way the writer of this article drew a parallel between Baingan & an unnoticed Indian. enjoy

They have got it all wrong. I mean those who tried to sow seeds of discontent between me and my putative Bt, sorry, bete noire. They don’t know how grateful i am to it. But for it, i would still be a nobody, an extra, so to say, in the galaxy of greens. If today i compete with the likes of Shah Rukh Khan and Sachin Tendulkar for countrywide popularity, it is entirely owing to my genetically altered ego.

Just look at it. Despite my stellar qualities, i was just the ‘Ghar ki murgi daal barabar’. They did not take a cue from the hit Bollywood number, ‘Dekhi lakh lakh pardesi girl/ Sab toh soni saadi desi girl/ Who’s the hottest girl in the world?/ My desi girl/ My desi girl.’ They recognised my worth only after the foreigners did so.

For a quintessential Indian could anything be more painful? I can’t understand why i was treated with such indifference by my own countrymen. I am on their plates whether you go east or west, north or south of India. But when it came to getting credit there was always the aaloo or the foul-smelling pyaaj ahead of me.

Imagine how sidelined i felt when an out and out desi politician tried to make aaloo– a fellow with decided foreign origins – immortal by saying, “Jab tak rahega samose mein aaloo/ tab tak rahega Bihar mein Lalu.” Talking of samosas it beats me why they never stuff me into them or into curvy parathas but instead pack me into pathetically shaped pakoras.

You have desi phrases honouring even as knotty a thing as ginger. Thus you say, ‘Bandar kya jaane adrak ka swad?’ But if i had ever asked a man of letters to coin a complimentary phrase around me, i am sure he would have said, “Tum kis khet ki mooli ho?” All they can do to me is to poke fun through cliched Akbar-Birbal tales.

When the westerners realised that their children disliked spinach, they gave it an iconic status by making it the power-munch of Popeye. But not one Indian cartoonist thought of making me the chosen chomp of an Indian superman so that children here could take to me without throwing tantrums.

Even my great looks were overlooked. Nature has endowed me with the softest of skins, the brightest of colours and curviest of contours. And yet no Indian painter has done my portrait, not even M F Husain when i would have gladly allowed myself to be painted in the nude. I cared little when the westerners launched computers called apple and cellphones called blackberry. But when an Indian manufacturer chooses lemon over me as the brand name for its cellphone, it hurts.

However hard the times for housewives, i have never acted pricey. Among all vegetables, i alone seem to defy the laws of demand and supply. I remain the shining symbol of the quintessential Indian trait called resilience. But rather than appreciating it they call anyone who is wary of taking a firm stand a ‘Thali ka baingan’.

Forget about making me an election issue as they made that arrogant tuber – the onion – in the not too recent past, i wasn’t even picked up as the symbol of any political party, national or regional. You have an entire bazaar of Mumbai named after that slimy thing – the bhindi– but not even an alley of Bareilly is named after me.

Perhaps i should not think like this. So what if i arrived late? Haven’t i arrived with my desiness intact? But now that i have become a celebrity, i can’t wait for campaign managers to sign me up for promoting the products of their clients. And the first thing i am going to endorse would be potato chips. Imagine that imported abomination – the aaloo – needing my endorsement. It would be an event no less momentous than an Indian buying the East India Company.

GK @ its best

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:?'Patrick Henry, 1775'he said.
'Very good!
Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?''
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'F ___ the Indians,'

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?' Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.'

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!'
And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was Lehmann Brothers, November 4th, 2008'.....
:)

The worst & the best of Dec 2009

There are 2 ways to break the clutter: One, create a kick ass strategy & amazingly creative concept like zoozoo, or the second way to create something sooooo pathetic, irrelevant, stupid that people remember it as the worst ad ever seen. The above ad falls into the latter category.

I mean wat can me more stupid than seeing a brand like Nirma which made a milestone of a jingle coming up with a mockery of it... OK, i agree that the effects were good in the ad, but at the cost of mocking the soul out of the brand???

I read the review of the ad in afaqs today... Gosh!!! cant believe that people actually appreciating the work??? The TG of the brand is a working housewife who goes for something that has genuine claimability & value for money. I salute the vision & performance of the brand, but this ad surely makes it a laughing stock & a desperate brand trying to prove an already proven point. I mean we seriously miss the Deepika ad (Sita fame).

My first advt Mentor told me, "Advt is not about how creative your ad is!!! its about how beautifully it can connect & deliver the message in the best way possible. The magical ingredient here is the INSIGHT."

Hats off to the cretive heads behind this idea. A simple concept of TATA Sky having an active feature, in which one of the feature is Learn English. The TG is middle class family husband working, wife doing part time jobs, the kid studying in English medium as its an aspirational value for the parents.

Wat u do with it??? a mother who has not studied in English medium, feels low when her kid & his friends' parents speak flawless english. She gets hooked on to this & look the amazing confidence she has!!! This ad has a very feel good factor & a beautiful insight to connect with. Brilliantly superb...

r u a VIRGIN???

Gimme some sunshine, gimme some rain!!! gimme another chance, wanna grow up once again!!!

there is this famous song of 3 idiots.
was thinkin wat if its told in a funny manner by maharastrian, gujrati & bihari
did not know other languages or else wud hv put tht.
Anyways, pls feel free to add.
Njoy

Baburao:
Ye baba, mala thoda uun dhyaa, ani thoda paus,
jasti paus nako re baba, mazza flat ground floor madhe aahe,
ani maaje fakt ek chance payje, fakt ek extra,
te nantar me mast mota honar....hehehe

Ramnik Bhai:
have jo hu tamne final quote aapun,
to mane thodu tadko aapo,
jo sawar no tadko hoy to saaru, karanke bappor nu hoy to maru maathu dukkhe
ane thodi varsaad, vadhare nahite pachi ena upar ek chance, bas
biju kai pan nai, su che ne ke mane fari thi motu thavu che,
arrey chokkas guarantee bapu, koi complain nahi made

Gajodhar:
yaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwnnnnnnn
ab ka bataye bhaiya, naya phormula hai shaaaaa(yawn)aayad
ekto thoda dhup, u pe thoda baaris, aur phir bas ek aur chance.
ka dekh rahe ho??? are serious hai bhaiyaa, hume wapas se bada hona hai
ka soch rahe ho? atpata lag raha hai tumka?
arrey humme bhi laga tha, aisan laga ki koi ped hai ka???hahhahaha
par sach kahen; hamare saale ke phuphaji ke damad ne ye todka kiya
ab dekh(yawn)oooooooo kahan pahunch gaye.
Sab maya hai!!!

Uff !!! Ye andaaz e bayan; haal e dil ek employee ka

The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don't know if I should stay.

To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don't know if I should stay.

The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don't know if I should stay.

The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don't know if I should stay!

The managers don't know what they talk
The team doesn't know where they walk
That's a bad situation, what say?
I don't know if I should stay.

I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can't keep switching day by day
I don't know if I should stay.

The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It's all done, I won't stay.

Thanks & Regards,
Confused Employee

Interpretation goes on...

Swine flu coverage on media led to media hype, which in turn led to a dip in tourism

Tiger poaching is increasing for their bones, as its used to cure male impotency

Food crops were used to create bio-fuels, as fuel prices rose, leading to famine like conditions around the world

Outdoor Sports are completely sidelined by video games, which has made youngsters obese

Marketing vs PR vs Advertising.... Finally BRANDING!!!

F.A.I.Q. (Frequently Asked IRRITATING Questions)

Thus, the pain continues!!!

Perhaps we need a second, 2nd October

Ask an average Indian what significance does 2nd October hold in his life. The expected answer u will get is “that’s Gandhi Jayanti”, ask again n focus on the word significance in life, the answer this time would be, ”Kya significance! Nothing special, he was father of the nation, politicians get a reason to promote themselves & we get a holiday, if lucky enough then a long weekend!!!”

That’s it??? Actually that’s it!!!

I am no big fan of Mr. Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi but neither do I detest him. On Gandhi Jayanthi came across movies like Gandhi My Father & Lage Raho Munnabhai. Both have separate views on him but somewhere left a kind of red & blue impression on me. What exactly this thin man had in him, that he even after 60 yrs of independence has such a market value???

Ø He paid a big price to be a Mahatma. Its said that he was father of the nation but perhaps he was never a good father for his own kids. He lost everybody of his own, his eldest son, his wife, his brother & was made Mahatma. The question is, is that the price one has to pay to be a Mahatma? And was that price worth for today’s generation?
Ø For him, if there was something wrong he did not wait for someone to come & handle the situation, he with a smile used to do it on his own. We all know the story when he was in a village where on the middle of the road there was shit lying. He saw the people they were indifferent & jus passing by it. He took the leaves lying nearby the tree & wiped it himself, the villagers were stunned & then they made sure it did not happen again
Ø He took a stand. We in our everyday walks of life meet people who believe in a quote, which is “Ram ni pan jay ane Raavan ni pan jay” (Hail Ram as well as Ravan). The idea is simple if I take a side I loose out on benefits from other side, might as well I sit n the fence & enjoy. Whereas for him, if something is wrong it is wrong, don’t let your tummy digest it, or else the same dish will be served across.
Ø He was the brand ambassador for Non violence & truth. As far as non violence is concerned what he meant was that he can retaliate in the same force or may be worse, but choose not to do. The today’s version is I know I cant retaliate, but why to tell this, might as well say that I am non violent. Regarding truth, he ideology was simple, everyone of us make mistakes & try to cover it; well that is human; but the real courage is to accept it before getting caught, ask for forgiveness & never do it again. Truth is truth, never be afraid of saying it. There might be initial hiccups, but the person at the other end will respect your courage.

Right from our economy to lifestyle, we seem to have become experts in finding short term solutions. Basically “abhi kar dete hai, jo hoga dekha jayega”.
I mean see around us; the 5 day test match has become T20 format now.
Since years some 4 -5 business news channels have come up. Everyday they say diversify & stay for long. Majority of trading in India squares off on the same day.
We feel patriotic only on 26th Jan, 15th Aug & may be 2nd Oct. Another short term solution for us, of us & by us.
We wait for the world around us to improve & then improve ourselves. Whereas what Gandhi believed was ‘be the change you want to see in the world’
For me Gandhi stands for a person who paid a big price for what he is now. He wanted India to be a free nation & Indians to be courageous & not afraid to tell the truth.

Calvin & Hobbes

- I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.
- Reality continues to ruin my life.
- Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
- A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
- It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.
- I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.
- Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
- Where do we keep all our chainsaws, Mom?

# CALVIN
- That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
- In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
- You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.
- Its no use! Everybody gets good enemies except me.
- What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?
- As a math atheist, I should be excused from this.
- This one's tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen ...
- I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life ... Procrastinating and rationalizing.
- I have a hammer! I can put things together! I can knock things apart! I can alter my environment at will and make an incredible din all the while! Ah, it's great to be male!
- I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information

"Verbatims"

~
"Do you believe in the devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man?" "I'm not sure that man needs the help."
~
Calvin: I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius. Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you? Calvin: Nobody thinks I'm a genius.
~
Calvin : You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood. Hobbes : What mood is that? Calvin : Last-minute panic.
~
"Why isn't my life like a situation comedy? Why don't I have a bunch of friends with nothing better to do but drop by and instigate wacky adventures? Why aren't my conversations peppered with spontaneous witticisms? Why don't my friends demonstrate heartfelt concern for my well being when I have problems? ...I gotta get my life some writers."
~
"I'm a simple man, Hobbes." "You?? Yesterday you wanted a nuclear powered car that could turn into a jet with laser-guided heat-seeking missiles!" "I'm a simple man with complex tastes."
~
"See Any UFOs?" "Not yet." "Well, keep your eyes open, they're bound to land here sometime." "What will we do when they come?" "See if we can sell mom and dad into slavery for a star cruiser"
~
"My powerful brain has come up with a topic for my paper" "Great" "I'll write about the debate over Tyrannosaurs. Were they fearsome predators or disgusting scavengers?" "Which side will you defend?" "Oh, I believe they weer fearsome predators, definitely." "How come?" "They're *so* much cooler that way"
~
"I'm not going to so my maths homework. Look at these unsolved problems. Here's a number in mortal combat with another. One of them is going to get subtracted. But why? What will be left of him? If I answered these, it would kill the suspense. It would resolve the conflict and turn intriguing possibilities into boring old facts." "I never really thought about the literary possibilities of maths." "I prefer to savour the mystery."
~
Susie: You'd get a good grade without doing any work. Calvin: So? Susie: It's wrong to get rewards you haven't earned. Calvin: I've never heard of anyone who couldn't live with that.
~
"Bad news Dad. Your polls are way down." "My polls?" "You rate especialy low among tigers and six year old white males."
~
"Mom's not feeling well. So I'm making her a get well card." "That's thoughtful of you." "See, on the front it says, 'Get Well Soon' ... and on the inside it says,'Because me bed isn't made, my clothes need to be put away and I'm hungry. Love Calvin.' Want to sign it?" "Sure, I'm hungry too"
~
H : "What do you think is the secret to happiness? Is it money, power or fame?" C : "I'd choose money. If you have enough money, you can buy fame and power. That way you'r have it all and be really happy. Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess." H : "I suppose thats *one* way to define it." C : "The part I think I'd like best is crushing people who get in my way."
~
Dear Santa. Why is your operation located at the North Pole? I'm guessing cheap elf labour, lower environmental standards, and tax breaks. Is this really the example you want to set for us impressionable kids? ...My plan is to put him on the defensive before he considers how good I've been.
~
"MOM, CAN I SET FIRE TO MY BED MATTRESS?" "No, Calvin." "CAN I RIDE MY TRICYCLE ON THE ROOF?" "No, Calvin." "Then can I have a cookie?" "No, Calvin." "She's on to me."
~
"What state do you live in?" "Denial."
- Miss Wormwood & Calvin"Dad, I'd like to have a little talk." "Um...ok." "As the wage earner here, its your responsibility to show some consumer confidence and start buying things that will get the economy going and create profits and employment. Here's a list of some big-ticket items I'd like for Christmas. I hope I can trust you to do whats right for our country." "I've got to stop leaving the Wall Street Journal around."
#

INNOCENCE
============
- I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.
- Hobbes : "Do you think there's a God? Calvin : "Well somebody's out to get me!"
- Calvin : "Do you really think Bogeymen exist?" Hobbes : "I'm not sure, but if they do, I think this is where they live…" - "The world isn't fair, Calvin." "I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favour?"
- "Too bad the world will be ending soon." "Beg your pardon?" "Halley's Comet. Comets are harbingers of doom." "No they arent, thats just superstition." "Really? Guess I'd better write that book report."
- "Since September it's just gotten colder and colder. There's less daylight now, I've noticed too. This can only mean one thing - the sun is going out. In a few more months the Earth will be a dark and lifeless ball of ice. Dad says the sun isnt going out. He says its colder because the earth's orbit is taking us farther from the sun. He says winter will be here soon. Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?"
- Calvin, about to become aware of the concept of winter..."This article says that many people find christmas the most stressful time of year." "I believe it. This season sure fills *me* with stress." "Really? How come?" " I *hate* being good..."
~
"Any monsters under my bed tonight?"
"Nope." "No." "Uh-Uh."
"Well there *better* not be, I'd hate to have to torch one with my flamethrower!"
"You have a flamethrower?"
"They lie. I lie."

- Calvin, The Monsters Under His Bed & Hobbes"I wonder where we go when we die?" "...Pittsburgh?" "You mean if we're good or if we're bad?"
#
SOCIETY
========
I think life should be more like tv. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?
So basically, this maverick is urging everyone to express his individuality through conformity in brand-name selection.
In my opinion, television validates existence.
~
"Here's a movie we should watch." "Who's in it?" "It says 'Japanese Cast'...two big rubbery monsters slug it out over major metropolitan centres in a battle for world supremacy...doesn't that sound great?" "And people say that foreign film is inaccessible."
~
Hobbes : "It says here that by the age of 6, most children have seen a million muders on television." Calvin : "I find that very disturbing...it means I've been watching all the wrong channels."
~
H : "What are you doing?" C : "Being cool." H : "You look more like you're bored." C : "The world bores you when you're cool."
~
"I just read this great science-fiction story. It's about how machines take control of humans and turn them into zombie slaves." "So instead of us controlling machines, they control us? Pretty scary idea." "I''ll say...*HEY* What time is it? My TV show is on."
#
DEEP
====
To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.
So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?
It's only work if somebody makes you do it
#
GURLS
=======
My only regret is blowing the best day of my life while I'm so young
- Calvin prepares a water-balloon ambush for SusieCalvin: Our top-secret club, G.R.O.S.S.-- Get Rid Of Slimy girlS! Susie: Slimy girls?! Calvin: I know that's redundant, but otherwise it doesn't spell anything.
I'm looking for something that can deliver a 50-pound payload of snow on a small feminine target. Can you suggest something? Hello...?
Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.
~
We are a fierce and dirty band of cut-throat pirates! Keep a sharp lookout matey, we dont want any sissy girls on our ship!" "We *dont* like girls???" "Of course not dummy, we're a murderous bunch of pirates, remember?" "Who do we smooch then?"
~
"There's a new girl in our class." "Well, whats her name?" "WHO KNOWS?" "Is she nice?" "WHO CARES? Not me!" "Do you LIKE her?" "NO!"
~
"Here comes that new girl. HEY SUSIE DERKINS, IS THAT YOUR FACE OR IS A POSSUM STUCK IN YOUR COLLAR? I HOPE YOU SUFFER A DEBILITATING BRAIN ANEURISM, YOU FREAK!" "She *cute*, isnt she?" "GO AWAY!"
~
"Hello Susie, this is Calvin. I lost our homework assignment. Can you tell me what we were supposed to read for tomorrow?" "Are you sure you're not calling for some other reason?" "Why else would I call you?" "Maybe you missed the melodious sound of my voice?" "WHAT? Are you crazy? All I want is the STUPID assignment!" "First say you missed the melodious sound of my voice." "THIS IS BLACKMAIL!"
~
"This meeting of the Get Rid Of Slimy Girls club will now come to order. First Tiger Hobbes will read the minutes of our last meeting."
"Thank you. (9:30) Meeting called to order. Dictator For Life Calvin proposed resoultion condemning the existence of girls. (9:35) First Tiger Hobbes abstains from vote. Motion fails. (9:36) Patriotism of First Tiger called into question. (9:37) Philosophical discussion. (10:15) Bandages administered. Dictator For Life rebuked for biting."
"Is this a great club or what?"
"(10:16) Forgot what debate was about. Medals of bravery awarded to all parties."
~
"I'm never gonna get married. Are you?" "Hmm...I suppose if the right person came along, I might. Someone with green eyes and a nice laugh, who I could call 'Pooty Pie'." "POOTY PIE?" "Or bitsy pookums." "I think that would affect my stomach a lot more than my heart." "Bitsy pookums I'd say. Yes snoogy woogy, she'd reply..."
~
"Do you like being a girl?" "Its gotta be better than the alternative." "Whats it like? Is it like being a bug?" "Like a WHAT?" "I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a crual trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it."
#

| :-) (-: | 8-) (-8 | ;-) (-; | :-p d-: |

Looking in the above image may result in different face positions like below.... :P hehehe

Caught ya, smilin....:P

Life is beautiful; indeed

I have long since stopped shouting for justice.
I have long since stopped shouting my innocence.
I have stopped shouting, I have lost the ability,
Because shouting is for the alive and I am dead in every sense.

I have no wish to live.
I have no desire to die.
My existence is that of a leaf,
A leaf which is now dry.

All emotions I have long forgotten.
Ideals I’ve stopped believing in.
Truth is just a fallacy.
For me believing is a sin.

I am a puppet without strings,
For me my family is long since dead.
I had to push my love away,
Because in me new feelings of hope she bred.

I used to be a man of substance
Everything I did was true.
I laugh at those times now.
What else can I even do?

I was a man of integrity
One whose ideals could never shake.
They broke me, raped me, murdered me,
They robbed me of my faith.

Two days ago they sentenced me to death,
After fourteen years of living in this hole.
But they can only kill my physical self,
Because they have long since killed my soul.

Some chain mail.......... Not all FWDs are bad though... ;)

a dog's life

Ek din ek kutta jungle main raasta kho gaya . Tabhi usane dekha ek sher
uskii taraf aa raha hai. Kutte ki saans rookh gayi. "Aaj to kaam tamaam
mera!" usne socha. Phir usne saamane kuchh sookhi haddiyan padi dekhi. Woh
aate hue sher ki taraf peeth kar ke baith gaya aur ek sookhi hadii ko
choosane laga aur zor zor se bolne laga, "wah! Sher ko khaane ka maza hi
kuchh aur hai. Ek aur mil jaaye to poori daawat ho jayegi!" Aur usne zor
se dakaar mara. Is bar sher sakate mein aa gayaa. Usne socha "ye kutta to
sher ka shikar karta hai! Jaan bacha kara bhago!" Aur sher wahan se
champat ho gaya .

Ped par baitha ek Bandar yeh sab tamasha dekh raha tha. Usne socha yeh
mauka achha hai sher ko sari kahani bata deta hoon - sher se dosti ho
jayegi aur usase zindagi bhar ke liye jaan ka khatra dur ho jayega. Woh
phataphat sher ke pichhe bhaga. Kutte ne Bandar ko jaate hue dekh liya aur
samajh gaya ki koi locha hai. Udhar Bandar ne sher ko sab bata diya ki
kaise kutte ne use bewakoof banaya hai. Sher zor se dahada, "chal mere
sath abhi uski leela kahatam karta hu" aur Bandar ko apani peeth par
baitha kar sher kutte ki taraf lapka.




Can u imagine the quick management by the DOG......... ......... ...


















Kutte ne sher ko aate dekha to ek bar phir uskii taraf peeth karke baith
gaya aur zor zor se bolne laga, "Is Bandar ko bhej ke 1 ghanta ho gaya ,
saala ek sher phaans kar nahi la sakta!"

Time shall unfold what plighted cunning hides: Who cover faults, at last shame them derides.....

“After my first…
I built this suit of armor
So strong, so invulnerable.
I came across you.
Slowly my guard was let down.
So, so vulnerable to pain and despair.
A love so perfect, so beautiful
Was the double edged sword.
One side so sweet
So dull of worry
So full of love.
The other so sharp of worry
So deadly with confusion
So overcome of aberrancy.
They meet at the apex.
The sword was the only thing,
The only thing to pierce through the armor.
Through the mind, the soul, the heart…
The sword tears a hole
The sharpest of sides is numb to pain,
The dull side brings a pain.
A pain so excruciating
the pain unreal the suffering so great.
This side pierces the mind, the soul, the heart..
The wound lasting and irreparable.
A pain never to leave.
A pain that allows you to live but in turn
It kills the mind, the soul, the heart
A pain that may lie dormant
Only to arise and hurt more than it ever did.
But through all doubt and suffering
The love was worth the pain.
The love so perfect so beautiful.
Was worth the pain
Was worth the death of me
Was worth losing everything I ever had.
Even if it was you that I lost.”

Anonymous.

to ERR is human; to FORGIVE.... is not my policy!!!

“Last night I had a revelation
Somehow I have to make you pay
It's all about manipulation
And what it takes to get my way
I don't believe in soft solutions
No one makes a fool of me
Without receiving retribution
No one hurts me and goes free

I'll play on your fears, I'll leave you in tears
You'll never be the same, my friend
You're walking a line, it's a matter of time
You'll never rest easy again

I've got the power to bring you down

I've heard it said, to err is human
It's forgiveness that's divine
I thought about forgiving you, but
I want revenge, I want what's mine
I think it's time to settle scores now
It's time to set the record straight
You'll know it's coming, you won't know how
Or when, you'll have to watch and wait

I'll play on your fears, I'll leave you in tears
You'll never be the same, my friend
You're walking a line, it's a matter of time
You'll never rest easy again

I've got the power to bring you down

You know, it feels intoxicating
To be intimidating
It's invigorating
To see you shaking

I've got the power to bring you down

You know something, you see it coming,
You know I will stop at nothing.”

(donno who wrote this, but loved it...)